What's It Like Being Gay in the Suburbs?

With rainbow flags lining the streets of neighborhoods like Lakeview and rainbow stickers prominently displayed in businesses, it’s obvious that the city of Chicago is celebrating Gay Pride Month.

But what about the suburbs? 

This week, one nonprofit held a panel discussion in Northbrook as a way of celebrating gay pride locally and opening up conversation about what it’s like to be gay in the suburbs.

“We were talking one day and we said, there’s all this great pride stuff out in the city,” explained Amy Skalinder, executive director of the Northfield-based agency. “We really wanted to do something to celebrate pride in the suburbs.”

So Links—which offers reproductive clinics and school programs  for all teens, as well as a youth program for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) teens—brought together representatives of local groups that fight for LGBT civil rights along with a member of the Links’ Pride Youth Program, among others, for a discussion Tuesday night at the Northbrook Public Library.

North Suburbs Are “Not Harmful” But Also Not “Embracing” 

While participants and audience members said the north suburbs were not an unfriendly place to be gay, they said that some prejudice certainly still exists. 

“The North Shore to me is not a harmful place for gays and lesbians,” said Ryan Lucas, a recent graduate of New Trier and member of Links’ Pride Youth Program. When he came out during his sophomore year of high school, Lucas said, his friends were all supportive. But, he added, he would not describe the community as “embracing.” 

“You’ll be accepted to your face,” Lucas said. “But I would not say this is ‘We love gays’ town.”

One parent in the audience recalled that eight to 10 years ago, when her kids were in high school at Glenbrook North, students would hold a “Day of Silence,” not speaking during school  to protest bullying and harassment of LGBT youth nationwide. But the following day, other students would host a counter protest called a “Day of Truth,” citing scripture as evidence of their belief that homosexuality is wrong.

Lucas said that as far as he knew, students no longer held the counter protest. But, he added, people still handed out Bibles during the Day of Silence.

Melissa Early, pastor at Northbrook United Methodist Church, stood up to comment in response. 

Hearing that the Bible could be used as a weapon “hurts me so much,” she said, especially considering that she believed it to be a book of love. Northbrook United Methodist Church is currently going through the process of becoming a reconciling church, meaning that it would be openly accepting of different sexualities, she added.

“For anyone that’s been hurt by someone with a book I love, I’m shamed, and I apologize,” she said.

Panelist Amy Olson, who lives in Morton Grove with her partner Vicki Ungar and their three kids, said she was grateful for Early’s efforts, particularly since it took her family two years to find a church where they felt welcomed.

Asked by an audience member what it was like raising kids as partners in the north suburbs, Olson said elementary school was actually the easiest. The couple felt accepted, she said, and Ungar volunteered regularly, reading to kids on her weekday off. 

“High school was a little more difficult,” said Olson, whose children attended Niles West. When she wrote down Ungar’s name as “partner,” she said, “they would always change it to ‘friend.’”

Rep. May and 10th District Hopeful Sheyman In Attendance

Along with an audience of roughly 50 people, some from as far away as downtown Chicago, two politicians came out to show their support at the event. State Rep. Karen May, a Democrat, stood up to speak during the question and answer session. 

May said she was proud Illinois General Assembly was able to amend the state’s Human Rights Act to prohibit discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation during her tenure in the house. She also cited the recent passage of the civil union bill as another point of pride.

“We felt good about passing civil unions in a year when the financial situation is such a mess,” May said. 

Also in attendance was Ilya Sheyman, an early candidate for U.S. Rep. Robert Dold’s Seat in congressional district 10. Sheyman said he came “mostly to listen and learn,” and added that he would support gay rights if elected.

“It is high time we have full equality for folks,” he told Patch. “There are still kids in the suburbs who have never heard anyone tell them they are equal.”

Parents, Community Members Show Their Support

In addition to politicians, representatives from local nonprofits and members of the gay and lesbian community, parents and family members were in full force at Tuesday night’s event as well.

Panelist Sue Ginsberg, whose daughter came out last September, said a Google search for “gay support” led her to the local chapter of Parents, Family & Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG).

“I have not missed a meeting,” Ginsberg said. “I have never met a group of people who are so committed and so loving and caring.”

In contrast to her own relations with her daughter, Ginsberg said she knew someone whose mother disowned him when he came out.

“I think about how much she lost,” she said.

Audience member Larry Lundberg, who graduated from Glenbrook High School in 1963, came to the event along with his wife, Barbara Schon-Lundberg, both of whom belong to PFLAG.

Lundberg said he wished there were organizations like PFLAG around when he was a teenager.

“There were suicides in high school when I was there,” he said.

Now, Lundberg and his wife volunteer at a club on Halsted Avenue in Chicago each Mother’s Day. As part of a fundraiser for PFLAG, the couple hands out chocolate kisses to the young men in attendance.

“Every year there will be a guy in there tearing because his mother hasn’t hugged him in 15 years,” Lundberg said. “That’s why I’m doing what I’m doing.”