I’m strong enough, I think.

I’ve always wanted to be an FBI agent. I know that’s so strange. But seriously, I think Jodie Foster in Silence of the Lambs was one of the coolest chicks around. Sure, she was scared, but she never let her fear stop her. And when a James Bond flick comes out, I’m first in line when it opens. Not cuz of the hottie they cast for 007. It’s to see the strong, brutal woman emerge as a surprise weapon. Oh, and let me not forget Angelina Jolie in Mr. & Mrs. Smith. Okay, yes…she was an assassin. But man did she look cool doing her thing.

So last night my husband and I watched the movie Taken, starring Liam Neeson. If you haven’t seen the movie yet, it’s about a girl who gets abducted in Paris. Her father is a retired “government worker.” Long story short, he’s a super cool spy guy. And by the end of the movie, I looked at my husband and said, “You’re gonna have to become a spy. That’s all there is to it. I’m never going to sleep again unless I know you can save Sami.” My husband looked at me like I was crazy (mainly cuz he knows I am) and responded back very calmly, “ok.” He shook his head and got up to load the dishwasher.

When I got in bed I was really disappointed in myself. It was MY dream to become an FBI agent. And Sami is my daughter just as much as she’s Scott’s. So why did I so quickly turn to him and think that only he could do it? Yes, he was a captain in the Marine Corps, so naturally I know he has the kahones, if you will. But why did I so easily toss my hat OUT of the ring? Here I am a business owner, mother of two, with an award-winning career two decades long behind me and 5 years of successful mothering to tout (birthdays for me are just a celebration of not breaking my children). I’ve traveled. I’ve moved. I’ve bought cars and condos myself. And I’ve pushed myself in ways I never thought I could. But in that moment, I made myself feel incapable. And that was incredibly disappointing.

So I made myself a promise. I’ll never again consider myself less capable than anyone. Unless of course we’re talking about cleaning my house. In that case, I’d limp around the house, lie about a cramp in my arms and even go so far as to even fake sick.